In the past ten days I have had a few conversations that have been extraordinarily illuminating; one with Jed and Nate, another with just Jed, and one with Daniel. They were kind of gestalt conversations (gestalt is like those pictures where you look at it one way and it looks like an old woman, but then you are told if you look at it another way it is a young woman, and then you see her, the young woman), where I saw all those who are contributors here as a group of friends, but saw them differently... in a revelatory way. I realized that though our friendships were good, our identity as a group had stagnated. There were moments of openness, truth, encouragement, and confrontation, yet for the most part we had become a bunch of mirror's reflecting back to one another that we were OK as we were (in terms of our foolishness, coarse joking, sinful habits, etc...) and that change was not encouraged. We could have great theological, philosophical, or cultural conversation; yet as I looked into my own heart and listened to the hearts of others, personal spiritual transformation and growth in Christ were seriously atrophied. But what was even more revelatory was that, at the center, each of us were profoundly struggling: sinful habits were not changing or even worsening, fears, anxieties, and various sorts of spiritual bondage were occuring in each of us and instead of being a community living together and moving toward liberty and freedom (remembering we are The Jubilee Project "proclaiming liberty to the captives"), we were either being left alone in our entangling sin and encumberances or being confirmed in it by the foolishness of the group. Hear me though, I am not saying this is entirely true of us, but it is, never-the-less, a reality. I cannot imagine doing anything regarding ministry together if we cannot first be a group who itself is moving toward the goals it proclaims to others. If we cannot be a core community moving toward "liberty, justice, and reconciliation" than we have no business multiplying a movement into others lives.
In reflecting up on this, particularly in relation to my conversation with Daniel-bro, the Spirit led me to the cross of our Lord and Savior. It is a sign to us. The cross is not a neurotic defense from dealing with our sin (individually and communally), i.e. "we've been forgiven, our past has been dealt with, now lets move on to do things for God." But rather, it is a sign to us (both individually and communally) to give courage to enter deeply into our own "decietful and wicked hearts" and find that grace truly does come to the "chief of sinners." If we open to the Spirit, He will take us down deep into the hellish depravity of our hearts, and there at the center He will reveal the love of God in Christ. The cross tells us that all our fears, insecurities, shame, guilt, pride, self-aggrandizement, and sin ultimately are the worst kind of sedition and effectively murder the son of God. If we enter this journey together we will hear ourselves the indictment that Paul pronounced on "the rulers of this age" who did not understand the wisdom of God and thus "crucified the Lord of glory." But in entering this journey down into our our own dead hearts we will discover the life of God, the resurrection of the Christ. That though are hearts are filled with all kinds of evils, the explosive resurrection life of Christ will awaken our dead hearts and overcome those evils by that awesome power which overcame Death and Hades. This is a clarion call for this community to enter together into the journey of a lifetime, and without question it will take the lives of us all, we will all be crucified daily, and yet if we lose ourselves for His sake we shall be found, we shall live.
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5 comments:
Amen.
What Sam has said so eloquently I will reiterate bluntly: WE NEED TO CUT THE CRAP AND GET REAL!!! None of are so strong that we can stand alone, and so long as we are putting up fronts with those closest to us, alone is exactly where we are, and vulnerable to being hacked to pieces by the enemy.
I know I am facing some pretty heavy issues that have impact on nearly every aspect of my life and my family's life (ranging from intense spiritual warfare to questions of calling and vocation) and I need those closest to me to speak truth to me and encourage me.
I also want to be in a position to do likewise for my brothers, but I cannot when I don't really know what is going on in their lives.
This is truly the Spirit talking in this topic of discussion. All of your words pentrate me deeply. I understand fully what you guys are saying.
I am so over the crap in my life. ANd Jed, you are absolutely right...if we can't be real with eachother than the hell can we be real with? Surely not an almighty God.
Do I desire to serve my flesh more than I desire to have a right relationship with Christ? In that moment my flesh scrapes and claws at me and a lot of the times I surrender to it. Especially when it comes to women and lust (for you married gents it ain't so hard, but you all none the less know what I'm saying here.) I am so sick and tired of falling into the same snares over and over again. I will be the first one to claim that I am not strong enough to stand alone. I have tried and I have failed. Not only does it distance me from God but it distnaces me from having the kind of relationship that I want to have with the people around me.
Bottom line is that our sin makes us self-centered. Or at least it does to me. When I am in a state of screwing up I get so beat up inside. My convictions overwhelm me and my guilt is a heavy burden. I am frustrated with my inability to say no at times. Once I start feeling all these ways it makes me so focused on trying to repent and get right with God that I don't even feel like I can go to Him for anything else. Which is where the self-centeredness comes into play.
Sometimes I wonder if this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. I don’t think God desires that struggle for me. I know I don’t. And sometimes I think, “If only I had a wife than this problem would be solved.” In a sense that’s true but there are always going to be other monkeys to deal with. But ultimately I can’t give into the lie that I will never be free from my sinful struggles. God desires to see His sovereignty, freedom and grace rule in my life. This is the only thing that I can come back to and it is the only thing that completely melts me down.
I suggest all of you read Nate’s last post on his blog site. Here is the link:
http://natepaschall.blogspot.com/2007/07/freed-from-slavery-of-fear-of-death.html
This is a fantastic write-up and I know it will speak volumes to your hearts. This is not to praise Nate but rather to hear the Holy Sprirt speaking through his writing.
I may have just opened a can of worms here…or I may just sound like I’m rambling. But hey, at least it’s honest.
Some additional thoughts...
I realized in writing what I wrote the other day that we are always in the grips of a great temptation. In particular we, as humans, are always looking for something to atone for our sin, always looking for some way to deal with our sin, that puts control in our hands. We can even use this project to do that, to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. We may even think that being more intentional together will change us and help us grow. While I do believe that is good, right, and necessary it is only the loaves and the fishes. We can only give ourselves to the true supernatural Agent of change, the Spirit of Christ. It is only in His hands and by His power that we will grow up into Christ. No amount of accountability or honesty will change us, although that is necessary, it is only the Spirit, working, moving and speaking in and through each one of us that will bring about the "fruit that God desires."
I am praying thus; that each of us, in our own personal lives, no matter where we are, grow in a disposition of listening, waiting, obedience, and submission to the Spirit of God.
Lastly - Justin, your heart being show here is greatly appreciated. You are much loved brother.
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